(note, especially to the Nazi douchecock I shall refer to here shortly: the title is hyperbole and not meant to be taken literally. It just sounds cooler than anything else I could come up with. So suck it. Please.)
So here I was on a Thursday morning being reminded of the painful ignorance of humanity and wondering how, as a species, we are still here despite the obvious failure of evolution to advance a toaster oven instead of humanity (in other words, I was working), when I heard a knock on my door. It was my friendly neighborhood government children’s services worker. Yes, those people who are tasked by our kind and benevolent government with hunting down the reports of evil parents who beat and program their children to function in the most evil ways. And if you can get through that last paragraph without a snicker at the sarcasm, you’ll probably call me for tech support.
Now, before a few of you say, “about fucking time they investigate you, you mutfruit,” you need to the reason some soulless cowardly anonymous fuck decided to send the jackbooted thugs after me (although, to be fair, the case worker herself is not a bed person, more on that in a bit). It was over this very cute, juxtaposition-filled video of possibly the cutest girl I know:
(another note: the title has been changed to remove Lauren’s full name, primarily because it 1. served to add nothing, 2. was the one change I did think was reasonable, as I had thought to remove it initially but never got around to it, and 3. has nothing to do with any fear of some sick fuck seeing it and wanting to diddle my 5-year-old.)
Here’s the original post in which that video was featured, and I can proudly say that the video has cracked through 3000 views since we posted it in June. This is awesomesauce, since the point of this vid was to test the camera and video editing software out, make something viewable, and, when it took off, pull people in to see the other videos which would be forthcoming (like I Tech, You Listen Episode 4, which will probably be forever forthcoming. But I think my mistake was sharing the video of our tree trimming, which was my first solo production, with everyone, including some untrustworthy government automaton piece of shit at our local government school (my assumption is that the report originated in this den of mediocrity). Because unless your the average tech support customer, then you understand that YouTube links similar videos, and videos by the same publisher (in this case, 3×2 Studios), which gave the moralizing cuntnugget the justification to question my ability to parent, without asking me directly because apparently this was too “inappropriate” for some damned reason.
So after the government worker had left, I went into emergency gear, and effectively obscured the video with a short rant against the idea of using government to attack parents, their rights, and their families. I also put on my thinking cap (as the kids were off to Succubus territory for the weekend). And I came up with several conclusions:
1. The nutblaster that perpetrated this has to have been someone who saw the video as a result of getting to YouTube, and that person most likely is at the government school. This is because this attack began shortly after I sent the link for the Christmas video into school with both my children. And the timeframe fits more for people who would have gotten the link from Lauren, as I did receive a positive comment back concerning the tree vid from William’s class sooner. Also, the totality of the “evidence” of my questionable parenting points in that direction. Without evidence, though, confronting the “person” would be something I hesitate to do.
2. Additionally, I’m assuming other things about this cockmonkey. It’s likely a woman (if it was a “man” I’d like him to come forward so I can punch him in the fucking mouth), and a self-righteous one that feels herself as a moral arbiter. She’s also a shallow thinker, as she she saw kid and weapon, and a song that repeated the word “die” and ran with assumptions. As for the other “evidence” it speaks to ignorance on a particular series that is not as black and white as the title would suggest (again, juxtaposition plays into it).
3. This pitiful excuse for humanity, if it is a teacher of any kind, should not be allowed to teach children shit, because she’s an ignorant slut who believes the best way to address her concerns was to send a government agency after me. The assumption and presumption show an appalling lack of understanding of Lauren’s family dynamic, my apparent psychology, Lauren’s psychology, and the context of the video (most of which you can find online, like right here). It also shows an ignorance of how the Internet works, which is something Lauren’s been learning about since before she got anywhere near the government school.
4. The assumption that the video, as originally posted, would open the door to some perverted bastard who would see the video and then leap into action to get a prepubescent piece shows the idiot mentality that sex crimes by strangers against children just doesn’t happen that often (despite the 24/7 news). It’s more often the trusted individual that deserves the de-dicking, like a trusted coach, or teacher, uncle/aunt or other family member, or priest (although, despite 8 fucking years in the Catholic school (and serving Mass at the church next door) I still couldn’t get laid). As with the rest of life, the real sickos look for the low-hanging fruit. And if the fact that I use terms like de-dicking isn’t doesn’t make it obvious how dead any child rapist would be if he tried doesn’t take my children out of the low-hanging fruit category, then some motherfucker is going to discover a side of me even I don’t want to see (hint: slasher flicks are too wussy in how they do it).
So, now that it’s confirmed that the case is “unsubstantiated” according to the government worker and will be closed, I’m free now to talk about the whole sequence of events. I will name, and thank, Michelle for professionalism in what has to be a job that too often sucks, but is sometimes necessary (just not this time). After talking for most of an hour yesterday, I think she probably learned some things, understands my family dynamic, and even really enjoyed the time-lapse vid, which of course I had on the big TV for viewing delight. Of course, after we viewed the tree vid, William had to turn the Die Die Die video on. We watched it and I deconstructed it, as it is cute it its own twisted way. But twisted is what we do here.
I thought back and I realize I’ve been coming up with inappropriate shit since I was damned young myself. As in I had to hide the shit from moralizing adults, was analyzed all through my Catholic school years because I didn’t fit, got called to the guidance office in high school for the fun of my death poetry, was writing about pancreas harvesting aliens and school shootings (before fucking Columbine), and have, despite all the people standing in my way, been refining my art in bits and pieces until now, when I finally have assembled enough pieces to start producing fucked-up goodness.
And one of the biggest impediments to my development were teachers and other school Nazis who sought to quash these impulses, making my childhood miserable and my young adulthood a place where I had no idea which way to go. The asslicking fuckwit who started this is likely one of those people, and has revealed him/herself as an enemy. And as they have used legal processes to attack me, so shall I when the opportunity affords it. You know who you are if you’re reading this, and this is your warning.
For the rest of you, am I on target or nucking futs?