The Only Watchable GOP Debate

Being a libertarian (and a former Republican), I have mostly followed the debates for the sheer morbid horror of watching the kabuki theater that is the campaign season. After all, I’ll probably vote third party anyway, and both parties will probably fuck me (just varying on the position and penetrated orifice).

But when a certain cowardly and vile piece of shit decided to baby out because he was too scared of Megyn Kelly, and Ran Paul made the cut, I knew I finally had a reason to watch a GOP debate. Because if Rand wasn’t in it there was no point, and if shitcock was in it, I’d be riding the mute button so I didn’t have to listen to his shit.

So here’s thoughts I had:

First, the GOP is equally shitty any time they go to the social issues, especially abortion. So I’m throwing that shit out, except where I see real divergence. But on warmongering, immigration, civil liberties and a few other non-social issues, there’s enough difference for me to comment.

Second, I’m still waiting for a GOP idea on how to fix immigration. Every answer was the same old “secure the border” bullshit, with lots of fighting over who’s the evil amnesty lover. What was left out was discussion on fixing the broken system for

Third, I so hope Bernie Sanders gets the nod for the Dems, since this eliminates the lying whore Hillary, and will mean the campaign will be more about issues than Benghazi, emails, and Hillary’s support for Bill Clinton’s wandering cock. Plus, everybody was talking about running against Hillary and ignoring Bernie, for the most part.

So for the rest, I’ll take this in poll order, and of course omit dickless the cockhopper, and all the kiddie table candidates who don’t matter.

Ted Cruz: He’s probably #2 on the God vote list, based on his statements. He wants more war (including the carpet bombing thing, which is great for killing civilians), is good on the ethanol mandate, and seems to think everyone is attacking him, since he’s the front-runner on stage and needs to be attacked. His sniping at the moderators was especially annoying, since it seems he’s gone the petty route. Between him and Rubio, he appears to be the bigger asshole.

Marco Rubio: God-Tested, Jesus-approved. At least according to Rubio. He’s awful in every neoconservative way in the perpetual war, wants to fight MOAR WARZ, wants to spend more money to fight war, etc. And did I forget to mention the fact that Jesus Christ was his personal savior? If I wanted a theocrat, I’d get Santorum (the candidate, not the frothy mix) or Huck-a-Duck. Because nobody likes them.

Ben Carson: This was my first chance to really see what he was made of. The answer: a whole lot of ramble. I couldn’t follow shit, because he meandered. And it was more of the awful that we already got. And of all the candidate closing statements, his was the most memorized (because I, too, memorized the preamble to the Constitution).

Jeb Bush: I was a bit more impressed with a few of his answers, especially on immigration. But he still defends his brother (understandably). And being another fucking Bush is enough for me to say no.

Chris Christie: The 9/11-waving thugocracy candidate. I was already annoyed from the beginning, so most of his talking was drowned out by me making Fat Bastard and Mr Creosote references. Generally awful on everything, so I’m not going to wast space.

Rand Paul: The only candidate that’s close enough to my worldview to consider voting for (as I am currently registered as a Libertarian). When he was on civil liberties and the immoral and evil war on drugs, I cheered.He was the best when he said anything about the perpetual war (he was a little sloppy on the Syria question, but the bar was almost as low as than nun-fister at the top of the polls), and he was the most cringe-worthy of them all on the abortion question. I’d say he won, but everyone says their candidate won. Se’ll find out on Monday if he really won.

John Kasich: Hey, it’s my governor. He didn’t answer shit, said that they’d deal with the backdoor into electronics in a room in the White House, and channeled Larry the Cable Guy when it was time for him to git ‘er done. I know he’ll lose and come back to Ohio. If any other state wants him though, you can have him.

So overall, I think the Libertarian party ticket is looking better and better, although Rand Paul could convince me to come back to the GOP.  I guess we have nine more months of this shit. Maybe when we get to the general election debates, I’ll get a drinking game going while watching, see if I can MDK my liver. I have to do something to make it suck less, right?


About patrickmspeaks

Father, tech-head, political sage, and the Illustrious One of (little) 3x2 fame, I have been blogging for a few years now, and want to stretch in new directions, discover new things, and redefine redefining just for the fun of it. Nonetheless, having produced a pointless paragraph about me, I'll stop before something bursts.
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