Why We Should Welcome Our New Clinton Overlord

Before I begin, this article is not an endorsement of that corrupt bitch, because I’m still supporting Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, as he is the only decent candidate at this point with a chance to win. But honesty requires that I admit it’s a long shot, which becomes nigh impossible if he can’t make the “debates” organized by the corrupt and self-serving Commission on Presidential Debates. So with that, I’m going to talk about why Hillary will be the “”””””better”””””” choice in the fall.

I think I just threw up in my mouth typing that.

First, I can understand if you believe in perpetuating the last shitty 8-16 years (depending on the issue), then Hillary is your choice. And if you somehow Hillary is a ticket to hardcore progressive-ism, then please share with me what you’re smoking and then vote her in. And if you vote based on whether or not the candidate has a VAGINA!!!!, then trumpet your lobotomy logic and be a part of the VAG VOTE!

(Seriously, if anatomy is how you choose your candidate, you’re a moron either way.)

But the biggest reason to vote for Team Blue’s turd sandwich is that the alternative (served up by Team Red) is the giant douche known as trump (never capitalized because fuck him to, and evermore referred to by a string of expletives).

So with Shitstain Cockmaster as the GOP’s standard bearer, it makes Hillary look absolutely tolerable. To be honest, from what I know of the candidates, and what we learned from the first sham debate, I don’t see much of a difference, except that one candidate (Hillary) is the embodiment with everything wrong with Washington, and the other one (Pisstits Microdick) is a perfect personification of the kind of mentality of an Adolf Hitler, without all the charm. Given these shitty choices, I am compelled to lean toward the abysmal continuation of the horrid Hillary status quo.

This stems from one trait: Predictability. Hillary does have a core set of beliefs. They’re repulsive, and she tends to ignore them any time they get in the way of her political success, but at least the Hillary we get for the next four years is the same creep who scared people back in 1991 until they stuck a headband on her and let her attack Bills mistresses, and then again when she wanted to destroy healthcare (can I get a “THANKS OBAMA!”? If we’re lucky, we’ll get for more years of a Bill Clinton presidency, just without the charisma. At worst, the GOP will self-destruct trying to stop her.

With Fizzpiss McAssnuts, I have no fucking idea what will happen, except that letting a megalomaniacal crony capitalist thug who wouldn’t know the Constitution if you taped it to his next trophy wife anywhere near the oval office can only end badly. Especially since you won’t have a GOP united to stop his statist tendencies, and some democrats who will let him succeed strategically to wipe the GOP from the electoral landscape in 4 years. Ok, that part doesn’t sound so bad, except for the fact that Democrats get unbridled control, and that’s how we got Obamacare.

So, since we’re fucked anyway, you might as well vote on principle. Vote for Gary Johnson (who could actually affect the outcome of the election). Or Jill Stein. Or Deez Nuts. Or wipe your ass with your ballot (especially in Ohio, where the Secretary of State tried to keep my candidate off the ballot (which was the one thing that would have gotten me to vote for Hillary), so fuck you Jon Husted). Or if you absolutely have to pull the lever for one of the idiots the two parties have stuck us with, vote for the corrupt status quo in Hillary.

Either way, liquor and gun sales are the place to be, since they’re bound to rise after the November Screw Job.

(note: if anyone would like to try to defend either of the major party candidates, lay out the reasons for voting FOR them in the comments, and we’ll discuss substance, since the candidates themselves can’t seem to stop namecalling long enough to do it.)


About patrickmspeaks

Father, tech-head, political sage, and the Illustrious One of (little) 3x2 fame, I have been blogging for a few years now, and want to stretch in new directions, discover new things, and redefine redefining just for the fun of it. Nonetheless, having produced a pointless paragraph about me, I'll stop before something bursts.
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