Obligatory SOTU Punishment Post

I really don’t want to go through this speech, but I feel a need to.

First, though, let me get my caveat and the obligatory trigger warning for people who whine aboot that shit out of the way:

TRIGGER WARNING: trump sucks ass.

I’m going to try to not insult the blithering dickstool trump during my analysis, as it’s not about the worthless moronic shitbag, but of his administration, accomplishment, and plans, which should be seriously considered. So I will refrain from insulting his manhood, common sense, or his utter lack of human decency.

Now I’ll also be going solely off the transcript, because I’d rather drink bleach while being raped my midgets with razor-spike strapons who are also juggling chainsaws, as well as something about dogs with bees in their mouths, than listen to the asspile POTUS spout his mindless shit. Yeah, I really don’t like the stupid motherfucker.

And I’m going to mostly ignore the empty rhetorical flourishes that are standard fare for a SOTU speechSo now that I’m done with the insults, let’s get on with the serious shit:


So he starts by talking about actual Americans, and their work in tragedy and chaos, and how this shows the greatness of America, and the things that bring us together. To quote:

So let us begin tonight by recognizing that the state of our Union is strong because our people are strong.

No argument. Yet….

Then he gets into the booming economy. This is not a trump-specific criticism, as every POTUS does it, but the president is generally not responsible or to blame primarily for what is happening with the economy, especially only a year in. That being said, the corporate tax cut and the push to eliminate regulations have certainly not hurt, and will probably be one of the highlights of the trump years (for the love of the FSM, please make it only 4).

Then there’s this line:

And we celebrate our police, our military, and our amazing veterans as heroes who deserve our total and unwavering support.

Okay, again, this is not just trump I’m calling out on this, although I would rate him worse than average in his actions. And what I’m calling out is, in essence, the deification of the professions of law enforcement and the military. To be clear, both have hard jobs, significant risk, and a great deal of power (they wield force at the behest of the government). But in turn, this national need to call them all heroes, even when they generally aren’t performing actual heroic acts, and placing them on a pedestal, has led to truly horrible policing practices at home, and an eternal expansion of the military half of the military-industrial complex. This needs to stop. Respect, yes; “total, unwavering support,” no.

And as for standing for the national anthem, a protest is completely valid when a sporting event is turned into a compulsory patriotic display.

A quick one:

For the last year we have sought to restore the bonds of trust between our citizens and their Government.

Fuck you. I’m a libertarian. Move on.

On appointing judges, if they’re of the caliber of Justice Neil Gorsuch, he’s got this right.

He goes on from there to talk about eliminating regulations. As I said above, this is a positive from his first year, and is having a positive impact on the economy. Of course, when he then talks about unfair trade deals, the word protectionism should just be flashing in giant fucking neon behind him. Because a fair trade deal is something that two companies agree to, with no force or fraud involved. Note that I left out the government completely. The solution is not renegotiating, it’s making trade as free as possible. and “fair” trade is not free trade.

This has been a longstanding problem with trump, even before he started in politics, with his love of government power through shit like eminent domain, because thugs gonna thug. This should have been a disqualifier among the conservative base of the GOP, but tribalism trumps all.

Speaking of eminent domain, we get to the first truly stupid thing in the speech:

Tonight, I am calling on the Congress to produce a bill that generates at least $1.5 trillion for the new infrastructure investment we need.

$1.5 TRILLION. That’s with a T. $1,500,000,000,000. One Trillion, 500 Billion Dollars. To put that number in perspective, we’ve racked up $20 trillion in debt over my lifetime (I’m 44). The budget for the entire government is a little over $4 trillion. And 8 years ago, I seem to remember 0bama talking about shovel-ready jobs, and a less expensive rebuilding of the same infrastructure. He was shoveling shit then, and trump is shoveling $1.5 TRILLION worth of it now.

And now we come to the real bullshit:

For decades, open borders have allowed drugs and gangs to pour into our most vulnerable communities. They have allowed millions of low-wage workers to compete for jobs and wages against the poorest Americans. Most tragically, they have caused the loss of many innocent lives.

And then….

Tonight, I am calling on the Congress to finally close the deadly loopholes that have allowed MS-13, and other criminals, to break into our country. We have proposed new legislation that will fix our immigration laws, and support our ICE and Border Patrol Agents, so that this cannot ever happen again.

He then goes on to list four pillars of this.

First, there’s the pathway to citizenship for the Dreamers. No argument here.

Then comes the wall. The stupid, wasteful, futile, pointless, counterproductive, immoral fucking wall. A wall is only good if it will work. And it won’t because it’s a fucking wall over thousands of miles, and is being used to restrict the right of migration and fight the immoral and evil war on drugs , in addition to keeping out the “bad hombres” that Trump says it’s designed to do. If there is motivation, then people are going over (or under, or through, or around) the wall. FYI, they tried a wall in Berlin. That didn’t work out too well.

The third and fourth deal with legal immigration. He wants less. And with a nightmare of a system to come here legally (race-based quotas, half a lifetime to become a citizen, etc), that means the wall becomes even less effective.

In short, the idea of limiting immigration, which has its roots in progressive-era racism, is a moral atrocity, and something that the GOP rejected back in the 80s (you know, the venerated Reagan era, the benchmark for conservative Utopia). It’s no wonder people are screaming racist.

And let me address that. As fucking vile as trump is, he is not a racist. At worst, he uses nativist rhetoric to achieve his end. While this is reprehensible, the loonies on the left are only helping the asshat by continuing to equate EVERYTHING that trump says with racism, sexism, misogyny, etc. It’s called feeding the troll, except the fucking troll is also the POTUS, and you’re feeding the paranoia of all these anti-left groups. It’s basically a paranoia-hate-circle-jerk. And fuck me sideways it’s making shit a lot worse, all because a bunch of whackjobs keep obsessing over shit that’s really not that fucking important if you’re just trying to live.

Speaking of trying to live:

Around the world, we face rogue regimes, terrorist groups, and rivals like China and Russia that challenge our interests, our economy, and our values. In confronting these dangers, we know that weakness is the surest path to conflict, and unmatched power is the surest means of our defense.

The Cold War ended in the 90s. Russia is a wreck, and at most capable of regional shit. China’s economy is so tied to exporting to America that they wouldn’t jeopardize that on a stupid war. And since we spend more than the next 7 most powerful countries on our military, I don’t think strength is an issue. The problem is the soft imperialism we’ve been doing since Ike was President: finding an enemy (starting with the Red Menace/Yellow Peril and going down from there, throwing soldiers at it, to “liberate the people (often by bombing the shit out of people we think are the bad guy), and then wondering why terrorism exists.

Again, this is not to say trump is a warmonger (except on Twitter, where he’s a goddam fool). In fact, as far as election rhetoric, he appeared to be better than Hillary in this. Of course, like Obama before him, once he had the big guns, he started using them, continuing the perpetual War on Terror into its 17th year, with “victory” being defined by blowing up the terrorist flavor of the month.

Thankfully, he didn’t start even more shit with North Korea, the one country crazy/stupid enough to pull the nuclear trigger if we push them to far. I wonder if they actually believe their own bullshit, or they’ll fold like a house of cards in a fighter jet exhaust if we really started shit, since we could probably end the suffering of all of North Korea by mass nuclear extermination and still have enough to kill the rest of the world.

In short, we absolutely shouldn’t, and trying to use force to change other countries never works (unless you kill everyone, of course). You don’t beat an enemy’s ideology with bluster and guns and embargoes. You do it with trade and spoken truth. Evil will fall, because people yearn to be freer than they are when they’re not dodging drones.

And that’s it, except for several minutes of bog-standard “America Fuck Yeah!” speechifying.


So there it is. There were good things and bad things, all spewed out by someone who really needed the taste slapped out his mouth rather than to be elected by a country that keeps lurching toward tyranny (whether leaning left or right). Everything he’s said in this speech we’ve heard before, only related with the intellect of shit on toast. And outside of the dickheads on Team Red and Team Blue, it’s a mixed bag of a few good things, a lot of awful crushing government bullshit, and words meant to evoke emotion if you don’t listen to the meaning.

So on a scale from one to ten, I’d rate this speech fuck trump.  Because fuck trump.

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About patrickmspeaks

Father, tech-head, political sage, and the Illustrious One of (little) 3x2 fame, I have been blogging for a few years now, and want to stretch in new directions, discover new things, and redefine redefining just for the fun of it. Nonetheless, having produced a pointless paragraph about me, I'll stop before something bursts.
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