Character Creation

One of the things I excel in when playing role-playing games is the process of character creation. In fact, I was going to start working on a character for D&D should my sorceress snuff it, which she almost did during a random encounter with a dragon. Specifically, after taking a full blast of electricity, the dragong went for the claw-claw-bite. The claws knocked me to 1hp, and that was before the bite. The GM rolled a 20 (which is REALLY BAD, as it’s a critical hit in game terms). The bite is the strongest attack and probably, with the minimum double damage, would have killed the shit out of me until I was dead as the dragon bit me in two and sprayed my entrails on my companions. The GM had mercy though ,as I was knocked down by the claws and the bite miraculously missed me (because dying in a random encounter is bullshit). Had I died though, it would have been awesome to create  new character, but would have made the night real short, and led to me missing most of the action, including scoring some weed and sex with another party member, which led to pregnancy until I broke out rules and successfully argued my way out of a pregnant character (which would have also led to a character change).

Luckily, I  remembered I needed to write a post, so here I am. My potential warlock can wait.

The simplest character creation is filling out the character sheet and running with it. Not that I take the easy route. But I’ll get to that.

Most systems use die rolls to generate your basic stats, then you fill in your general characteristics with templates. For example, in D&D, you roll for 6 basic stats and your hit points, pick a race (human, elf, dwarf, etc) and class (fighter, wizard, rogue, cleric, and many, many, many more), then plug in weapons, armor, equipment, skills, feats, and anything else that is race and class-specific (like spells for wizards, sneak attacks for rogues, weapon feats for fighters, etc.). Slap a name, and some technically unimportant descriptive statistics and you have a character.

In other game, like the Demon Hunters RPG I’ll be running in under two weeks (fuck, I’d better get to work on hammering out a scenario one of these years), the character process is more organic, as there are no dice rolls. There are dice assigned based on the strength of the skills and the approach to the skills, and almost everything is made up to create a pulp-style character with odd traits. It’s a little harder to explain how the creation process works if you haven’t gone through it, but you don’t have to have a complete character to play, so yay. I’m thinking the adventure will require at least a little knowledge of the reboot version of Ghostbusters, which despite all the lackluster things in the movie does have the better ghost fights. As in it’s not four guys pointing sticks as shit, and that’s it.

For me, the real fun in character creation (as I may have mentioned in a few posts) is creating the story. In the case of this warlock I’m looking to build, I know he’ll be a human male. The Warlock backstory is that some kind of dark influence in the past (or past generation) infuses the character with wild magical talent that is channeled as energy (called eldritch blast) or a spell-like ability (rather than traditional wizard-style spells like fireball or magic missile (pew pew)). Alignment (which determines how the character interacts with the world is either chaotic or evil (or maybe both). I’m thinking chaotic neutral/borderline evil, although not evil because we have a paladin in the group (unless she dies AGAIN!), and they really don’t like evil. I mean REALLY. DON’T. LIKE. EVIL. because they’re lawful stupid good.

So with this, I’m suspecting he has a dark past he’s trying to run away from. As in he killed a few (hundred) people in a spectacular way. And while he will never be a good person, he’s definitely feeling a little guilt over such an act (which fueled his power in the beginning). I can hear him speaking in a dark, threatening voice on a good day. And maybe going throat cancer Batman when he’s pissed off.

That probably means I’ll write in someone who may come one day hunting him, and let the GM tuck that away to surprise the party with later when they get to trust this shadowy and dark leather-clad bastard who shoots raw energy at shit, or even shoots that energy through weapons he stabs things with (one of the cool things the character can do).

Now I won’t be able to finish the character, as I have to get approval for the class (our original character creation only allowed for use of the basic character classes, and Warlock is not a basic class), roll my starting stats and HP, determine what level the character will start (as the average party level is between 4 and 5 currently, which makes a level 1 character an easy target), and find a way to introduce the character to the party that is appropriate for his backstory and the story the party is involved in.

It’s still better than the alternate characters I have in mind for Castles & Crusades. I have a horny bard (just to annoy the GM) and a monk who may be part of an order that is likely to stab a paladin to death if given the opportunity (and we have one of those in the party), with the specific goal of trying to break the story narrative. I don’t want to give too much away as I already have the order’s backstory and vows created. The world we inhabit is very much a hardcore good vs evil world, and this character breaks that mold with a vengeance.

Either way, a character, once created does evolve, and that’s one of the reason it’s fun to create them.

In other news, while gaming, sometimes you just gotta punch a whore.

(Yes, this was uttered in game after the character/player that uttered it did indeed punch out a whore. It was awesome.)

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Two-Hour Lunches

I’ve written several of these blog posts while sitting at lunch in the local coffee shop, since it literally a couple blocks walking distance. And assuming I get here early enough, I can usually stretch my lunch to around 2 hours. There are several reasons for this.

First, I get here before they’re ready to serve lunch. That means I get to drink coffee while I wait. That would be the second reason: bottomless coffee, which means hypercaffeination, which means increased brain activity, which means extra creativity. And the third is a place where I can sit and create without the distractions of the disaster area of home life, including the kids.

Now the last part is the reason I’m here today, although there are no kids at home, and I’ll be back before they are. When I’m at home, I get distracted by EVERYTHING. Shit needs cleaned, there’s something I always want to watch, and of course there’s games (other than the ones on this tablet that I end up playing anyway). But when the kids are home, the distractions get turned to 11. And that’s before William decides to I can nip down here for a bite to eat, knowing they can handle themselves for a little while and can come find me easily (or call, since Lauren does have a phone).

There’s just something about sitting in a place with people moving in and out that makes me get creative. Not so much today, as this post attests (seriously,  I have I’ve written screenplays and scripts and stories, plotted out an adventure (in Pathfinder or Demon Hunters RPG), created backstory of charact’d also count dating ers in anything I create (because a lot of writing is just done to support other writing). While I don’t do it all here, it’s the little things that fuel the fire of future creativity,

Plus, I like watching people. Every person that walks in has a story, and figuring as much of that story out as possible is part of the fun. Little kids are the best, as its something I miss with my kids (as Lauren is getting her tween cynicism on, and William is William). And while I can get it other ways (last night, I was watching kids reacting to the big reveal in The Empire Strikes Back for the first time (yeah)), nothing beats live reactions.

I’d also mention looking for single women, but almost all are either too damn young, too damn old, or too damn married (I check, then realize it’s probably going to be another week of me and Pornhub).

Plus, I see very few people that I know, and the few that I know don’t seem to recognize me (the advantages of no social contact with people most days?). Of course, that’s because it’s probably been a lifetime ago, pre-kids.

Which reminds me that I have a survey for my class reunion to fill out. It’s been 25 years, this year. Which means I’ve definitely spent more time out of school than in at this point.

Which reminds me of the last reason I come here to eat lunch.This takes me back to a time when I’m not the aging bastard I am now. I gain back a little of what time and circumstance naturally erode. I can sit, drink good coffee, put my brain to creative use, eat food that I can’t really make at home (because of economy of scale), listen to background music that back in the 80’s was hard rock (right now, Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me” (a bar slut (or my ex’s) anthem if there ever was one)), and just not be the present me for a little while.

And I feel almost young again.

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Mental Multiverse

One of the things I’ve done since as far back as I can remember, is maintain a world with its own fiction in my head. Over the years, that has expanded to include a multiverse that’s all interconnected. I’m pretty sure I’ve had to retcon a few billion things, but the advantage of the multiverse is that I can start over again and again and again and again….

I often set my worlds in other fictional universes (usually the Trek multiverse, as it has the most options for a larger cast), and I often find my cast interacting in some small way with that universe’s cast, although my worlds have cast that has varied over the ears, but always contains certain elements.

I have a main character around whom the adventures revolve. He usually has a love interest, who has varied widely over the years, especially depending on who in the real world exists in a fictional form in some way, (for example, my daughter’s name came from a character in my world. That character is usually the sister of my main character now). Characters of note from my role-playing game past, Eddie McPherson and Savon (already Trek characters) show up regularly as well. I have at least one brilliant tech person, a couple people with weapons skills, specialists for the specific world, and powers for my main character that tie him to every incarnation in the multiverse.

As I said, retconning abounds.

As I’ve matured, I’ve played with story elements that are less flattering to my characters, as I find more flaws and generally do more damage to them in every iteration. In early iterations, it was about fighting a bad guy. Standard pulp shit. Ideas of models of government, and morality, and the nature of existence have intruded, especially in the ideas of libertarian philosophy (which are wonderful elements to explore in the Trekverse and its clear socialist utopian bent. It gets distopian awful fast.

I won’t go into any details (as I don’t generally share any of this multiverse with anyone), but the fight against the Federation shadow agency Section 31, this time in the Abramsverse is heating up (I’m far enough away in time from the Abrams movies that I have license to ignore most of them although the Section 31 element means at least a mention of the events of the bullshit movie Star Trek: into Darkness, as in they were involved in an incident that destroyed a large part of San Francisco, and THAT’S IT! because fuck that stupid fucking movie).

My head has always been full of ideas, and in the quiet moments, it’s nice to have a little something to play with, to test my storytelling elements when I’m not actively writing something else. It gives me practice so that when I do need to create, I’m not trying to work atrophied muscles, and my voice can soar.

Now if I could just get my singing voice (which was seriously boned by my cough/cold mess back in November/December/January) back to its normal hardcore tenor awesomenessness. That’s next on my list of things to fix.

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Game Night – Dungeons & Dragons

(Side note: for anyone familiar with D&D and its many incarnations, we’re playing 3.5).

So tonight we break out the ol’ D&D. That game that was the bane of 80s normal parents and the religious right, the source of scorn in the classic Chick tract, and the very game the boys play at the beginning and end of the Neflix series Stranger Things. The game that was the source template by varying degrees for every RPG to come.

I’ll try not to cover anything I already said in my game night post for C&C and and the post Why I Play Role-Playing Games, since what I said there applies here.

So tonight, I’ll unleash my gnome sorceress, Gwynwyse. I’ll throw fire at shit, because she likes to burn shit. We’ll try to avoid having our paladin die again (as I said, she’s a noob, and bad luck and bad rolls let to the GM having to figure out mercy resurrections (which are always easier when you’re dealing with a holy warrior (if/when Gwyn dies, I probably get to make a new character)).

Of course, this game is a little less serious than the C&C campaign. But that’s how games should be. Some can strike a more serious tone, some can be a little more fun, and some can be so fucking off the wall that it devolves to nothing but dick and fart jokes (I may share some stories staring a human named Eddie and a Vulcan named Savon at some point in the future).

I might have to share some more tomorrow, but since it’s already after 5 as I type this, and I have to get shit ready to go, I must leave it here.


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Why Democracy Must Die

When I sat down today for my usual desire to splatter vitriol over the page during the inauguration of president Jizztits McShitfuck (who, as I write this, is officially POTUS, with no cleansing asteroid in sight of DC), there was one thing that crossed my mind that didn’t fit in that spout of vitriol.  And I figured I wouldn’t make it the title, because I don’t like self-censoring the title (but I do so out of respect for others), so let me put this in the font that it deserves:


Yeah, I said it and I mean it. And I’m not saying it just because trump was elected.,or inaugurated today, or I didn’t like the result of some damned election.

It’s because democracy (which is NOT WHAT OUR COUNTRY IS!!!!) is as great an evil as a totalitarian regime. Perhaps greater, because it’s not just one narcissistic fuck, or a ruling body of thugs, but the majority of people assenting to stealing, beating, raping, and murdering those they decide don’t deserve equal rights.

Consider the lynch mob. The lynch mob is the model of a democratic justice system. The majority decides, or assents, to meting out punishment, and the mob carries out the sentence. No rule of law, no protection of the rights of the accused, no weighing of facts. Just a decision by the majority to act and execute someone they decided was guilty.

A shorter version I’ve heard: Democracy is two wolves and a sheep deciding on dinner.

To go further, consider what the Constitution of the United States, the amendments, as well as the principle of natural law on which they are based are designed to do. First of all, these document never mention the word democracy. This is for a reason. Because their purpose (although flawed at times), are to secure the right of individual from encroachment by their government. They’re designed to secure specific rights (speech, press, to bear arms, no unreasonable search or seizure of person or property, , and so on), and to create limits to what the government can do. It allowed for the people to elect representatives to one house of Congress and a Senate eelcted by the states (later fucked up by the 17th amendment). It created an executive who was not elected by the people at all (because you have no constitutional right to vote for president (this was clarified in Bush v Gore). To quote the decision:

The individual citizen has no federal constitutional right to vote for electors for the President of the United States unless and until the state legislature chooses a statewide election as the means to implement its power to appoint members of the Electoral College. U.S. Const., Art. II, §1.

And the constitution also created an independent judiciary that was designed to be able to take a law that made it past Congress and the President, with popular support, and throw it out on the grounds that it’s unconstitutional, with the only recourse at that point being either amending the constitution or overthrowing the government (and I’m not sure which is easier).

The point of this is that we are a constitutional republic designed to check democracy at every turn, and to secure liberty for everyone, especially against the majority.

And yes, I will freely acknowledge that it didn’t completely secure the rights of every individual throughout its history (from slavery on down). But the principal involved was not the rule of the majority, but the rule of law which, in theory, would serve all individuals as equals.

The whole handjobbing of democracy started with Woodrow Wilson, president and warmongering racist  genocidal progressive fuck. Getting people to buy into the idea of democracy was key in the progressive years to carry out majoritarian erasure of the rights of lesser folks. After all, if most people agree that some populations should be sterilized, or forcing a small group to be fleeced to benefit the majority, that makes it ok, right?

Since then, politicians have been paying lip service to this perverse idea, or actively embracing it (BECAUSE THEY’RE FROM THE GOVERNMENT AND THEY’RE HERE TO HELP!)

So the next time a politician stands up and talks about our democracy, shout the obscene bastard down for flat out lying to you. Because to embrace the idea of pure democracy is to embrace the idea that no minority should be free to seek life on their own terms.

Because the choice is freedom or democracy, but never both.

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Inauguration Day (Where’s the Asteroid?)

(A quick note: I was unable to write yesterday as I was down all day with a headache. I wish it was today, so I could sleep through this shit.)

I was planning on reminiscing on the presidents I’ve seen come and go over the years yesterday, then verbally lambasting the shitbag that just got inaugurated. I was going to do so quietly, with nothing by my years of dislike before the bastard started running to fuel my gleeful vitriol.

So I got to the coffee shop for lunch and the aforementioned evisceration, and of course they have the inauguration on the TV. I positioned myself where I mostly can’t see it, but being in rural Ohio, I know most of the people here voted for that fuckstick. It so makes me want to verbally lash out that so many people fell for the bullshit this fucking snake oil salesman blathered out, shit that he said primarily to get elected.

True, most politicians do this, but usually there’s a core of beliefs they started from. Love or hate 0bama, at least we knew he came from a solid radical left position (that of course he abandoned when convenient or there was somebody overseas to kill).

George W Bush was very much from the conservative tradition. That he didn’t mind growing the government like Bill Clinton’s dick at an intern convention, culminating in the bipartisan butfucking of 2008, was incidental.

I can say the same things about Reagan and Clinton. The elder Bush, at least, got punished for fucking over the people who elected him.

But now, other that a belief that he can fix shit because he’s trump, I have no clue what the new president, Clitshit McFucktit, will actually do.

Some predictions:

First of all, consider the sad fucking excuse for a man. We have someone who is so thin skinnned he starts twitter fights with every fucking person out there . The latest, with Dem Rep John Lewis, who has a history of skipping inaugurations. Considering the president is supposed to be above the petty politics (every other president in my life I can remember was), this is not a good start.

Then consider his tendencies to bully. Whether with verbal beatdowns or lawsuits, he uses force or at least the veiled threat of it, to get what he wants. Russian interference in the election aside, he seems to have found a kindred spirit in the former KGB thug and Russian president Vladimir Putin. And a strongman always needs someone to beat down.

Finally, consider the narcissism. This is a man who built his empire based on name recognition. By making himself and his name a product. And his track record is nice and mixed, with lawsuits currently out on Trump University, plenty of bankruptcy, the use of the courts to get his revenge, and the use of the law to steal property from people (since he is a lover of the abomination that was the Kelo decision).

So as for predictions:

  • Expect him to take 0bama’s pen and phone and try to end run Congress every chance he gets, because it’s a 50/50 whether he gets the actual Constitution to wipe his ass with, or just has it printed  on the tp stocked in the presidential shitter.
  • He will find an “enemy” to rail against in many, if not all his speeches. That will be either the immigrants (rapists who came over to steal our shit, then go back to steal our jobs), the Chinese (because they’re cheating us and selling us junk we could be making here in the US of A for only twice the price), or the Muslims (since they’re all dirty fucking raghead terrorists). Insert the usual Hitler reference, except also with the megalomania and without the charm (side note: best nickname I’ve heard for him is Cheeto Hitler).
  • As he is a thug, expect every speech to be about increasing security or the government doing shit for people. Nothing about individual liberty. And expect him to say “I” more than 0bama. After all, this is the asshole who created a TV show around himself for his own self-aggrandizement.
  • When it becomes clear he can’t end run around everyone in DC (may the city burn in hell), he will have to start paying off and dealing with people. And as there are no aforementioned guiding principles, that means he will have everything up for negotiation. Everything. So if you have some skin in the game in his election, you may not when he gets done. And he probably won’t even have the goddamn common courtesy to give you a reacharound after he fucks you in the ass, expect to be unsatisfied.hat Speaking of grabbing ’em by the pussy, if he gets a second term (at which point, I give up giving a fuck whether this country lives), we will get a Clinton-level scandal with him and some hot piece of ass (no dumpy interns for him, dammit). That will be one of the few good things things that will come along.
  • And if he hasn’t already done it by then, he’s going after the press, the first amendment, the internet, and everywhere people can call him a fucking piece of shit lying rapist snake oil salesman fuck who got elected so he could jerk off in the oval office 24/7/365 just to satisfy his hardon for power.

So yeah, as I sit here and hear bits and pieces of his inaugural speech, I’ll just say this:

Fuck you, America, you asked for it.

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Having missed my second post this month and ALMOST missing this one (except for my irregular bowels which got me up long enough to remember), I had mu usual moment of reflection on why I stopped blogging regularly in the first place.

I hate repeating myself.

When it comes to politics, I was doing a lot of that. And I also got frustrated that no one said anything new or changed their mind. Especially  since I’ve gone from stock conservative to hardcore libertarian in the decade I’ve been blogging.

As for my daily life, it’s nothing but repetition as it is for most people. And that bores me. It’s also why I wrote about my sickness that took a month and a half to lick. I don’t get sick that often, so coughing and puking and shitting are at least something different.

As is typing my first post while sitting in bed naked and on a tablet. While it’s good for short form typing, it cant replace a real keyboard.

And since I was going to go to sleep before I remembered what is starting to become a tedious task (at least until inauguration day), I think I’ll just stop.

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OF COURSE He’s Gonna F*ck Us

I swear, every time I get near the toxic mess of piss, personality, and politics that make up the bullshittery of president-elect Dicktits McCuntyballs, the word fuck gets used. A lot.

The latest is parsing the bullshit that gets spewed out when he talks about replacing the abomination known as 0bamacare.

To understand this, we have to start with the insanity of the (Un)Affordable Health Care Act, which is now coming up on 6 years old.

It forced insurance companies to cover people who could not previously get insurance, expanded the number of people that had reduced coverage. This, on the surface is good.

However, it did it by shifting the costs onto people with higher incomes. And by higher, I mean people who are already punished for making just a little too much, like my sister, a one-person home-business owner, and her husband, a barber/small business owner, who’s insurance, with a deductible of $6000, has easily quadrupled over the last few years.

And it has started shrinking the number of available insurance companies, the number of options for people who have insurance, has led to increasing costs, as there’s an increasing disconnect between health care costs and demand (which is what got us to the insurance mess that led to 0bamacare).

Sot that brings us to the GOP attempts to repeal 0bamacare. Which, if not done correctly, will fuck a lot of people who have insurance while not unfucking the people who are already fucked because of the overpriced fuckery.

(And yeah, the fucks are flying now….)

But the biggest wrinkle (or ass cancer in this case) is the incoming president, who’s about as consistent as my shit (as prior posts can attest, that goes from solid to soup in 1.9 seconds flat).

It’s easiest to quote the article I linked to above to show this insanity:

President-elect Donald Trump said in a weekend interview that he is nearing completion of a plan to replace President Obama’s signature health-care law with the goal of “insurance for everybody,” while also vowing to force drug companies to negotiate directly with the government on prices in Medicare and Medicaid.

So he’s going to replace the universal insurance of 0bamacare with “insurance for everybody” instead? That makes no sense outside of a trumptard brain. It’s effectively meaningless, unspecific, and given Cheeto Hitler’s tendencies (yeah, hyperbolic, but it’s a hilarious name), it’s bound to be someone forced at the point of a gun to do something.

Which is where the second part of the above quote comes in. As usual, he approaches the situation by saying he’ll force someone to do something. Also, when the government shows up with guns to negotiate, it’s really not negotiating.

I will say that there are crony laws that protect the drug companies (they’re also helping to drive the immoral and evil War on Drugs), and repealing those would be a positive. But I don’t imagine that liberty is part of trump’s vocabulary.

I can’t judge his actual plan, because of course he hasn’t released it. But just on his statements alone, there’s nothing that makes me think the one-time Democrat supporter of universal health care has changed his tune since the GOP thought it would be a good idea to make him their nominee.


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Sorting Cards

Game night, as usual, was a success (it’s always a success when you get to game).

True, the monsters of Castle Panic overran us and killed us deader than hell, and after one game of Last Night on Earth where our humans blew up enough zombie spawn pits to win, they overran us and turned us to nom nom candy defending the manor in the second game. And I got home an hour later than I’d hoped, which means I’m all tired as all shit out, which means, as I write this sentence, I’ve been up for 2 1/2 hours. On Sunday. That sucks.

Still, it was a good night.

In addition, someone brought extra common and uncommon Magic: the Gathering cards as a free gift (Thanks, Andy!), and I stocked up on some really awesome shit and some actual shit. At least three of those cards went into one of my commander decks, making it more awesomererererererererererer……

Which brings me to this morning, and sorting cards.

Yeah, it’s as boring as it sounds. But it’s also absorbing and interesting when you get them all cataloged for faster deck building.

So to explain, there’s a few ways to sort cards. I’ll try to include some explanation for non-Magic players, so bear with me either way.

First, I separate land from non-land cards (non-land cards require land cards to use them). I then separate them by their rarity (common, uncommon, rare, and mythic rare, which the rarer the card, the more likely it will have cash value and more power), keeping uncommon and better in a binder. I then separate by color (white, red, green, blue, black, multicolored, and colorless (most cards require specific colors to use them). For the commons, I keep them in a box, so I also sort them by mana (land) cost, and then alphabetically, since I can make sure multiple copies are kept together.

In the binder, It’s usually enough to just keep them grouped by rarity, color, and spell type (creatures and non-creature spells (which have various effects)).

Today, it took me an hour (with interruptions) to burn through the stack. I then moved on to updating one deck with newer, better cards (with all the cards out there, getting as many great cards in a deck is a necessity.

Now, with all this organization, I’m ready to find and infect some poor fuckers by addicting them introduce new people to playing Magic. I can even build new decks (normal decks contain 60 cards, and I probably have somewhere in the avenue of a few thousand (which is not a lot of cards when you really get into Magic) .

One last thing: I think I’m too tired to end this post with a witty outro sentence, so I’ll just ramble, then trail off while filling my onesie with Magic cards, as I have nothing but skin underneath for my personal awesome gratification.

As long as I avoid papercuts….

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Board Game Night

Last week, our first game night of 2017 was a success, in that in Castles & Crusades, we finally got to kill shit, ANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Andy is GM for the game, so taunting him is an art form that I excel at, and only the treat of a character who will break the game stands between mine and oblivion.)

This is not to say that the purpose of an RPG is to go around killing shit, but in between roleplaying characters who interact with a world and its multitudinous facets, our wizards and rangers and knights and paladins like to do some sweet slaughter on bad guys.

But tonight, we can go the Munchkin route, by kicking down doors, killing their monsters, and taking their shit.

Because tonight is board game night. Links for all the potential games to follow.

The fun of board game night is that it can be a simple exercise in rolling and moving for victory, or an immersive experience where we do a bit or roleplaying.

For example, in the stack I’ve assembled so far, there’s a game called Last Night on Earth, where most of us take the roles of heroes in a zombie horror flick, trying to complete the game’s objective (like killing enough zombies or driving out of town) before the remaining player(s) who are running the zombies get to nom nom on some brains. The mechanics of the game can be boring if you don’t immerse yourself in the pulp aspect of the game.

It’s similar for Castle Panic. Essentially, you draw cards to defeat monsters before they destroy all your towers. Where the fun comes in is rolepalying shooting or hacking the monsters to death (or my daughter’s favorite, dumping tar on their BALLS! (the tar card stops a monster from advancing, but scorching testes makes it more entertaining). It’s also a co-op game, so it spurs a lot of humorous interactions as you try to not die (although not in the intense and tension-inducing nightmare that a game like Pandemic tends to do).

Speaking of Pandemic, this is a game where players race to save the world from horrible diseases that seek to wipe out humanity and make the players lose. when you become invested in blue cubes on Madrid, start naming the diseases (the Zombie plague and Goat AIDS are two of our standbys), and dread flipping that last card because you know that it’s the gateway to the coughing puking, shitting, bleeding death (kind of like my last month and a half without the dying), then you know you’re in for a treat.

The last games I have are the short ones. First, theres a little card and dice one called Dragonwood. Not sure on this one yet, as I’ve played it once. But it’s a short game, with cards and dice, and a couple dragons. We like killing dragons. Especially when the monk one-punches the heart out of the big bad one in the epic final battle in my Pathfinder campaign (I adjusted my critical hit chart after that).

And one of my favorites for short games is Dungeon Roll. It’s a simple dice-rolling dungeon delve, where picking your character at the beginning often is the difference between victory and defeat (and I win this one a LOT).

So there’s just a sample of some of the games we’ll be playing tonight. Again, finding good games with good mechanics is important, but it’s playing with people that makes the experience worth something. Otherwise you’re just playing cards, rolling dice, and wondering what the hell you’re doing with your life.

Or you spend the first couple hours of your morning writing a post between calls, because 7am is too fucking early to get up on a Saturday for fucking fuck’s sake I want to sleep in….

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