We’re STILL Talking About the Knee Thing?

I had kind of forgotten about the whole NFL #TakeaKnee thing since that was last year or something, and plenty of other horrible political things (mainly, whack jobs from both the right and left) have showed up. But lo and behold, in an effort to make sure that no pointlessly divisive thing ever dies, my favorite politician and person in the whole wide world (if you can’t taste the level of sarcasm…), President Fuckdick McShitcock chimed in calling them “sons of bitches” or something because they’re obviously not patriots but spoiled rich NFL players or some shit.

So, since I haven’t thrown my 2 cents into this, let’s take a look.

The argument is not over whatever is being protested (although protesting police brutality and racial bias in the black community is something worth protesting over). It’s only about whether kneeling in protest makes you unpatriotic, and un-American and shit.  And I’ve heard vets argue on both sides.

Taking a knee falls under the same category of free speech/expression as flag burning. In short, it’s pretty damned protected free speech.

As the son and grandson of veterans, and as someone who understands why the freedom of speech is  in the constitution and the flag code is not (and yes, I’ve read up on my flag code), let me be clear on this. If someone is making what you consider to be a disrespectful display toward our flag, then you should probably address the political point they are trying to make, and not worrying about the fact that they don’t measure up to what you consider patriotic.

Because while the ideals of America are worth striving for, the United States often sucks ass. Even most trump voters should know this, since they voted for the shitbag to come in and blow shit up (figuratively, I hope).

And on that subject, the other part of the problem is the almost compulsory show of patriotism and almost mindless worship of the state that we have had at most sporting events (especially after 9/11). Every event needs a color guard. And the playing of the anthem, which ends with a lot of hooting and hollering from people bedecked in flag-themed cloths (which, by the way, does violate flag code). And if it’s a significant NFL game (or fuckin’ NASCAR), then we gots to have some jets fly over and shit. Because ‘Murica.

Patriotism is not defined by how straight you stand while belting out our national anthem (which, musically, sucks) at a football game, or how many and how large your flags are, or whether you’re (metaphorically, mostly, because Bill Clinton) sucking off the asshole in the oval office sufficiently to prove your loyalty. It’s measured in how you strive to help everyone achieve liberty and justice. And even though some of us have really stupid and fucked up notions of what comprises liberty and justice, (insert your preferred political whackjob here), it’s the pursuit of those goals, and support of the ideals of this country that make it more possible, that really matters.

So if you feel you have to boycott the NFL because the team owners don’t really want to get into a political mess and want to keep their best players, and therefore don’t start firing those who are quietly protesting, despite what a certain dickbag P(OS)OTUS might say, then go ahead. If you want to take a knee, then take a knee. But let’s drop the idea that we need to draw absolutist lines over every fucking thing in the world, make everything an us versus them situation, and make everything political.

Oh, and for the record, I’m, taking a fucking knee for freedom of speech.

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Posted in Politics | Leave a comment

Mel Brooks and Cards Against Humanity

So I hopped on Twitter today to see Mel Brooks trending. My first assumption, as he’s 91, is that he’s also dead. Easy assumption to make, since Twitter loves to talk about the dead.

Thankfully the cmedy legend is still very much alive. It turned out wit was just an interview that has people talking. You should check it out and come back. If you don’t have the time, the gist of it is simple:

‘We have become stupidly politically correct, which is the death of comedy,’ Brooks said. ‘It’s not good for comedy. Comedy has to walk a thin line, take risks. Comedy is the lecherous little elf whispering in the king’s ear, always telling the truth about human behaviour.’

This is nothing we haven’t heard before. But today, I connected it with one of my favorite games in the world: Cards Against Humanity.

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I play a lot of games (I have a dungeon map on my desk and both the 3.5 and 5e version of D&D off to my left), and pretty much enjoy almost any game (Except Candyland. Fuck that shit.). But CAH stands out for two reasons: 1. it’s a party game that has a high amount of randomness, and an incredibly simple ruleset, and 2. it’s the filthiest fucking game you ever had your earholes raped with.

(note: reason #2 above is not nearly as vulgar as the game. If you don’t believe me, and the kids aren’t in the room and you’re not at work, here’s the Tabletop episode where they play it.)

To explain the game, one person picks a black question card, everyone else plays a white answer card, the person who plays the black card picks the best or funniest answer, and the winner gets the card (as a point). There are a couple other rules, but it’s mostly just that. But where it gets entertaining (and utterly brilliant) is that the questions and answers are sickeningly politically incorrect, vulgar, perverse, and offensive (ex. there’s a white card with the answer “Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.”). That’s the whole point, which is where I’m going in this article.

This game gives us permission to say all the really horrible, fucked-up things we wouldn’t normally say or think. It’s a chance to not worry about offending anyone, because it’s mostly cathartic jokes about incest, racism, sexism, rape, murder, genocide, and all the other things that are entertaining when you’re not worried about what people will think of you (because it’s on the cards).

This is the same point ol’ Mel was making. Comedy works best when you push the line, find some group to offend, and say shit that, if you weren’t joking, would get you in deep shit. And when we arbitrarily decide jokes about something are “not funny” then comedy dies a little.

On a final note, if I’m sober, and I’m playing CAH, I win, because I am the worst human in existence. Except that I’m not. Except in my head.

Posted in Current Events

When You Give a Hack a Gun….

The latest attempt by the GOP to “repeal” Obamacare, the Graham-Cassidy bill (whatever the hell it’s called) is a piece of shit. At least that’s what a few (probably all, but I ain’t got the time) left-leaning sites are saying. Of course, one of the big hangups is that absolutist softball known as abortion. The GOP is going to use the power of the purse to cut off more funding for abortion.

No fucking shit. That’s what the GOP does. This is not a surprise, or a shock, or anything anyone with a brain and an IQ above that of the average voter could have predicted.

Needless to say, I don’t really care if it passes because it really only means one group gets screwed at the expense of another, just like the last time. Last time, of course, was that piece of shit called Obamacare, which royally screwed anyone not on medicare or medicaid or with a nice insurance package with a large company. And Obamacare only replaced the shit buffet that was the utterly horrible clusterfuck of inbred quasi-government-controlled plans that were around before, which du to government fuckery had become so divorced from the free market that anyone who says it was the free market deserves the taste slapped right out of their mouth.

And no matter what else happens, I know my sister’s insurance rates (she’s self-employed and makes good money) will still keep going further through the roof (of a skyscraper), because she can afford to be milked like a cow (in the eyes of the government).

But it reminds me of something that everyone seems to forget when they start screaming (in this case, the left screaming about how the GOP wants to destroy health care). And that is that when you give power to the party in power, inevitably, the other party will inherit that power and do the opposite (except just repeal the bill and eliminate the power).

The perpetual war on terror is another example. The left bitched incessantly about abuse of war powers when it was Bush murdering people with drones. The right was unhappy when it was Obama and his kill list murdering people (including American citizens in foreign countries). And all the power that the Republican Congress abdicated to Bush, and the Democrat Congress left in place for Obama, is now in the hands of President Dickface McAssballs, who will now use drones to bomb the shit out of more people.

This is a central tendency of government: Unless it is forced by statute or by popular uprising to abdicate a power, then it is going to keep that power forever. And add more.

So there’s a simple lesson to learn here. Any time you give any power to government, you need to make sure it’s not a power that you don’t want the other assholes to have. Because in 4-8 years, they will.

Posted in Current Events, Uncategorized

On Memorial Day

As the son and grandson of veterans, Memorial day growing up was a ritual of taking in a solemn parade, then spending time in the graveyard at ceremonies. Those conducting the ceremonies were often ill-suited to the purpose, their speeches clumsy, and readings a stuttering mess. But there was always sincerity in their hearts despite the awfulness, and by the time we reached the playing of taps, and the volleys were fired, the weight of the moment was clearly present.

Within the cemetery where we stood, and in the Catholic one across the street, were the many graves of veterans who had served honorably. Most had been laid to rest after their time in war, and some came from the battlefield to this place. The decoration of those graves by an increasingly elderly (at least in my mind) cadre of ladies from the American Legion, is a tradition from the original Decoration Day, dating back to the post-Civil War era.

Now, with years and knowledge under my belt, I have to pause and consider if all the pomp and ceremony in celebrating and honoring the fallen warriors is part of the problem that has led us into our suicidal foreign policy.

To clarify, I don’t believe for a moment that those who served, and especially those who died, were not deserving of great honor for their willingness to sacrifice themselves for the ideals of this country, whether because they were drafted, or because they volunteered. The debt to them for their service can never be paid in full.

But one way we can honor those willing to lay down their lives for this country is to not put them in the situation where it is asked of them in the first place, when other options are available to us. Since the founding of this country, and against the advice of the founding fathers, the United States has repeatedly sought foreign entanglements, both diplomatic, and military. From the War of 1812, which was the first unnecessary war; to the the Civil war, a mix of honorable crusade against the worst of human rights abuses mixed with the aggression of an imperial North; to military adventurism all around our borders, best personified by the crazy uncle of progressives everywhere, the thug Teddy Roosevelt; onward through World War 1, which then spawned World War 2, which led to America as the “leader of the free world” and entangling alliances that have tied us to the unholy amount the government spends on “defense” compared to every other country out there in fighting the Cold War and beyond, it’s a pattern of America pushing itself into conflicts that could be resolved without sacrificing brave soldiers who believe in the cause but don’t know why we fight, except for the incessant propaganda we are fed, while simultaneously sowing the seeds of the next war.

In the ongoing perpetual and futile War on Terror, this has reached a fever pitch, with no one too prominent as voices for reason and peace, and the only strong popular antiwar sentiment present when Team Blue is using it to score points on Team Red (ie, Iraq during the Bush years). We’ll hear that in the next few years again, as the idiot manchild trump (who, during the campaign, was less pro-war than Hillary Clinton, despite his desire to “bomb the shit” out of some of the government’s enemies) starts up the next batch of limited conflicts that we’ll be told are necessary to protect this country from the current boogeyman (ISIS, or the generic raghead terrorist that doesn’t like Ariana Grande [insert joke in extremely poor taste here, because that’s just some cold shit]).

This reminds me of one of the GOP debates from 2008, specifically the exchange between Ron Paul and Rudy Giuliani, concerning terrorism and blowback. I was still on Team Red Kool-aid at the time, so OF COURSE I cheered Giuliani for blowing that senile libertarian’s argument out of the water with his brilliant response of: “TERRORISM IS BAD, KILL ALL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS UNTIL THEY’RE DEAD AS A DICK IN A CHEESE GRATER! U!S!A! U!S!A!”

(Note, I may have paraphrased a little on that quote, but that’s basically what I heard.)

But as I embraced a libertarian mode to thought, I finally, truly began to understand the idea of blowback, the concept that when our country is sitting in a shitload of countries with a standing army and blowing shit up in other countries, and making deals with some thug bastards to fight other thug bastards (ex. the Iraqi army the USA blew up in the first Gulf War was one we funded partially in the 80s so Saddam could fuck up Iran), someone’s bound to get pissed and find  way to fight back. Osama bin Laden said as much. And we’re in a perpetual blowback loop with the War on Terror here, as every “win” is a recruitment tool, and every loss justification to not only perpetuate the war but strip away erode civil rights like a sexy undress game with 90-year-old sex parts underneath: We think we’re going to like it, but damn that shit is scary when the wrinkles get down there (been there, seen that).

Consider what we would do if another country attacked us for some reason, and although they had every justification in their minds, it was our people that ended up as corpses on an air field or buried in a ship beneath a harbor, or crushed in a building as it fell on them. Yeah, I’m talking Pearl Harbor and 9/11. We reacted loudly and violently to both of those attacks, although our government had been giving those enemies plenty of reasons to hit us. As long as we meet violence with overwhelming violence, far beyond that which is necessary to defend ourselves (come on, we’re still in Afghanistan for some fucking reason), this spiral of escalation will never end.

So as we honor the fallen heroes, we owe it to them, and to all veterans, to stop repeating the mistakes of the last two centuries, to stop letting our government kill with impunity and give the aforementioned terrorists more reasons to want to kill us, and to break a cycle where our government finds an enemy and we all “do our part” to perpetuate what is essentially military porn to the godawful sound of Lee Greenwood belting out the shit tune “God Bless the USA” while jets fly overhead, which then gets recut with kickass war footage and set to the Team America: World Police theme.

America, FUCK YEAH!

Posted in Uncategorized

Why Libertarians Aren’t Winning Forever

In looking through my twitter feed, I see the usual stuff. Most people don’t like the GOP. Or Democrats. Or the president. Or congress. Or the _________ (insert shitty government agency). Or the government.

So it continually amazes me that most people (especially the majority that don’t belong to either of the major parties) haven’t uprooted and come running to the libertarian philosophy, looking to get as much of the bullshit that comes with an imperial government right the hell out of their way.

Then I remember all my libertarian brethren. To be specific, it was a tweet in my timeline:

Now for those of you who are not that familiar with libertarian policy, Statism is essentially the polar opposite of a pure libertarian “state.” and I have to put that in quotes, because the end of the libertarian philosophy is a stateless world, or more likely a minimal state whose only function is the protection of life, liberty and property (sorry to all you anarcho-capitalists, but you might be a little Utopian in your thinking).

But philosophical infighting aside (PLEASE!?!?!?), the above tweet, of course, devolved into what I’d expect, with all the humor and gusto of people shooting down easy targets. But among the responses I realized something. We are libertarians because we have come to an understanding that the governing philosophies we were taught growing up were comprised mostly of bullshit that most everyone accepts.

The “Who will build the roads?” question is a perfect example. Until I really began looking at it, I, like almost everyone, assumed it would be the government at various levels. Like the most justifiable parts of a minarchist government (police, judiciary, roads), people treat almost everything in government as a bare necessity. They may have a pet program or two they’d like to see die in a fire, but people are comfortable with the level of government we have. When the government says we need to fight a war, the majority cheer for war. When a president says we need to go to the moon, we go to the moon. We, as a country have accepted the idea of a big government, even most people who rail against it.

I have ho clue how the hell you overcome a century of what is effectively brainwashing that we are a democracy (FUCK DEMOCRACY!!!), that government is here to help, and there are things only government can do/solve. But do it we must.

This is the task for Libertarians to achieve though. And it doesn’t start by calling the person who repeats “patriotic” mantras that have been shoved in their eyeholes and earholes (and a few other holes) a statist. Education has always been the means of bringing about a libertarian reality.

So while playing Statist Bingo (found that in the tweetstorm that followed) is always fun, the statists win when we make our position sound like it’s held by a bunch of assholes (even if, as libertarians, we tend to be assholes). After all, the shithead president trump was elected largely on people being pissed about being talked down to by the establishment, among other things. That trump was actually the establishment in the guise of a snake oil salesman doesn’t matter. It came down to perception. And that’s where we need to change who we are.  Not the substance (oh HELL no!), but in the perception of what we believe and more importantly, why.

It’s really up to us, those who see the lie that is statism, to help others see what they’ve been taught all their lives is really the greatest lie ever told.

Posted in Uncategorized

Thoughts on trump’s Joint Address

First of all, I think I’d have liked it more if it had been a JOINT address. As in if I’d smoked a joint before watching.  Because I don’t remember any of these speeches that didn’t piss me off. At least in the last decade, since I got my libertarian on. But I figured I’d give Cheeto Hitler (I love that name!) a chance to make the case for what he wants to do without the political rhetoric of the campaign.

Overall, fuck the asshole. At least I had fun live tweeting it. Can you imagine what trump’s Twitter feed will look like tomorrow? BAD!

And now, let’s look at what’s good and mostly bad in the speech. I’ll leave out the usual pomp and bullshit and meaningless platitudes, because every president feels the need to jerk off the whole ‘Murica thing. Or they all believe the shit.

First, he took credit for a bunch of companies investing in America. Um, no. Some may have done so because they think business under Trump will be better than it would have been under Hillary Clinton. Although two of the companies, GM and Chrysler, are bailout companies, and Lockheed is a military contract whore. More on the military coming up.

As for his idea of deregulation at a 2-1 rate? Good, although not adding regulations at all would be better.

Like immigration. The freedom to travel should be upheld, with the government power to turn away actual criminals (no quotas and profiling bullshit). While he did mention the idea that people who can offer something should come to America, I suspect that his idiotic “Hire American, Buy American” chant doesn’t really allow for hiring them Mexican drug dealers and rapists he was talking about when he started the GOP’s descent into madness.

And of course, that leads us to the refrain of RADICAL ISLAM!!!!!!!!!11!! ! This, of course is the justification for perpetual war. And while it started (with some justification in 2001-2002 under Bush), it has become the excuse to restrict liberty at home and bomb the fuck out of a good portion of the rest of the world, as well as continue to give the terrorists their best recruiting tool EVER!

He then went on to talk about his SCOTUS pick, Neil Gorsuch. To be honest, this is a pick I look forward to seeing on the court, as he’s an originalist in the mold of Scalia, whom he’s replacing. I doubt we’re going to get a better choice if the left hissy fits this nominee down. This was the high point in the speech for me.

Then he moved on to the shitty economic conditions which are still a little shitty. But it wasn’t because of NAFTA and China, it was because of the thug actions of government. Now he is right that taxes are too high and that’s one reason we’re suffering overall. And his solution (because other countries tax the shit out of Harleys)? TARIFFS! A note to the economically uneducated (like trump): Taxing stuff coming into this country won’t bring jobs back. It’ll only make shit cost more. And by that, I mean tariffs are taxes on us. Also, HE IS GOING TO BRING BACK THE JOBS. No president can do this.All they can do is get the government the fuck out of the way. That’s not tariffs, a fucking wall, and threatening businesses. There’s also the non-0bamacare 0bamacare, the paid family leave, and more debt (because more military spending and infrastructure waste). Also, only good immigrants (no solution here of course).

He then went on to all our spending in the Middle East (bad) while we’re not wasting that on infrastructure (remember 0bama’s “shovel ready” bullshit?). Also, he’s going to spend more money on the military and bomb ISIS more (which is how we spent trillions over there). Fuck, he talks out both sides of his pie hole.

And then he called on Congress to replace 0bamacare with Not0bamacare. That’s nnot a solution. Maybe a few people who are getting fucked by ridiculous premiums will benefit. But it still doesn’t solve the overarching problem of government fucking the free market in every orifice at the same time. Not a real solution to be found here.

Also, anytime the pOTUS says anything about Democrats and Republicans joining together, I shudder. The last two times were the godawful Patriot Act and that bullshit bailout back in 2008. Seriously, fuck that shit.

Then we got to the personal stories section of the address. This really started with Bill Clinton, using sob stories and inspiring shit to make political points. There was the girl saved by new drugs that the FDA was dragging its feet on. Then came the education girl, which was all about school choice. Lots of good here, except for wanting to throw federal money to get poor kids into non-government schools.

Then we got to the perennial jerking off of law enforcement (from the GOP’s Greatest shit). By that I mean the call to support them no matter what. Including when they’re enforcing immoral laws, or continuing biased enforcement. Because they’re heroes or something.

(This is not an attack individuals who put themselves into danger to help others, but a recognition that slavish hero-ing of an entire group does nothing but give them license to kill (literally), as police are, domestically, the  most blunt expression of state violence by nature. Internationally, it’s the military.)

And then came the four victims of violence by immigrants. Probably the Mexican rapists did it. This is low. The fact that they broke an immoral law to enter this country is not a reason to condemn everyone who does. If the system was moral, and worked, the ones that come in that are criminals wouldn’t get back in, because the cost would be too high.

And now, we come to where trump hits the lowest point of all. After promising to throw more money into the military, the fucking shitbag trump shines the spotlight on Carryn Owens, the widow U.S. Navy Special Operator, Senior Chief William “Ryan” Owens. The soldier who was killed in the raid in Yemen. The man whose father wouldn’t even meet with the son of a bitch that sent his son off to die in the futile and perpetual War on Terror. This was the raid where the shitbag-in-chief didn’t even go to the situation room (even 0bama knew to do that when he sent people to die). Of course, the Generals told him it was a success. Doesn’t change the fact that it took trump less than a month to issue orders that made someone a widow.

This was the point where I seriously wanted to punch him in the face. The rest I can overlook as “thugs gonna thug,” but I do take sacrificing our armed forces in pointless actions seriously. And I’m increasingly tired of politicians dragging the dead and wounded and widowed from the perpetual wars out so they can beat their chests and say how brave and honorable the fallen are, and thus sound all fucking patriotic, when the cost is human lives in a never-ending grinder of death and war. And anything he said in the campaign about getting out of these pointless occupations just went out the window with this fucking bullshit display. Damn him.

Okay, let’s get back to the light anger, because I just realized I got more pissed than I usually do.

So after the bullshit above, he dropped this line: “We must learn from the mistakes of the past — we have seen the war and destruction that have raged across our world.” Nothing he’s said in his speech leads me to believe he’s learned a damn thing, and that he’s poised to keep the insanity going.

So then we descended into the speech-ending platitudes. Mostly pointless, except there was a mention of Thomas Edison, the noted inventor idea promoter and government power whore. I suspect those two would get along swimmingly, because they love them some legalized force over the competition.

And when it was over, I dropped a final tweet to share my feelings: Ok, now I can go piss and puke. Get of my screen, Cheeto Hitler.

And now, here’s what I found about the words that my libertarian heart and mind looks for in political speeches. He used freedom three times: once in a string of meaningless platitudes, once when using a dead soldier as a political pawn (because he’s a bastard), and only once about actual policy (health care). Liberty only got used once, in the speech-ending platitude crap. And the only time he mentioned the constitution was in relation to his SCOTUS pick. So it’s easy to see why I’d be  unthrilled with this speech.

So perhaps the GOP will reign in the spend-happiness. Of course, looking at the Bush years, probably not. Perhaps he’ll grow in the role as president. I’m not optimistic, but the presidency does change (and age the fuck out of) someone. So while I’m not very optimistic, I’m reminded of an article I was reading (I think it was from the Foundation for Economic Education, but it’s bedtime, so I’m not looking it up),  about hitting a button to eliminate the state. The gist of it is that we work around the state all the time to eliminate it from our lives. From paying cash under the table for work, to the black market, to illegal downloads and 3D printed guns, it’s possible to live a life with the state reduced, even as they get their thug on.

So we’ll survive the next 4-8 years of this shit, and maybe, if we’re committed to freedom and liberty,  Washington will start to get forgotten a little more every day.

Posted in Uncategorized

The Battle For the Soul of America, the Super Bowl, and trump

Having said goodbye to the -11 shackles of partisan blindness that I wore as recently as 2008 (thanks to Bush, McCain, and 0bama for giving me a reason to despise both parties), I’ve been both amused and disgusted at pretty much every news story since the election (and probably before, but I was mostly just watching which stupid pair of fucking clown shoes would be trying to ruin the country). And it hasn’t all been directed at president Shitdick McFuckskull (I had no respect for the bastard before the snake oil salesman weaseled his way into the White House; I’m not starting now), mainly because the left has embraced the the whole #resist thing at a brainless pace only equalleed by the apparent attempts at the trumptards to claim a mandate because their fearless leader claims that he actually won the election big time (as in he won the popular vote too…).

Some examples: On the left, besides the usual protest antics (no one sane can respect a woman who dresses up like a giant vagina), they’ve taken to rioting and looting and attempting to shut down the alt-right scum that are just giving speeches, which of course gives credence to trumps claim that the left is just a bunch of PC nuts who want to control speech and shut down people with whom they disagree.

Not that the lying cocksucker-in-chief has any respect for free speech. But so far he hasn’t done anything to stop that. Yet. So far, it’s just been talk.

But after he signed his probably unconstitutional anti-religious Muslim immigrant ban (which he said he was going to do), and a judge rightly blocked it until it could be contested in court, and the 9th circuit upheld that, the Twittertard of the United States went into attacking the judge rather than arguing the rightness of his ban (as a bullying thug with small hands and dick would do).

This is not surprising. Surprising is his choice for the supreme court, who looks to be a sober judge he in the mold of Scalia, rather than a rubber stamp for the orange dictator leader of the (less) free world.

But the best part was the slew of commercials during the Super Bowl. Lots of shots at a protectionist president, from the Coke ad singing America the Beautiful in multiple languages to the Budweiser commercial showing the history of company founder and immigrant Adolphus Busch. But the big one was from 84 Lumber, which was edited to get it on TV. Of course, that just meant you had to go online and watch it.

Go and watch the whole thing now, then come back. I’ll wait.

Yeah.

I doubt anyone entrenched in a position is going to change that position because of a commercial. But if they spark conversations on why most people come to this country (hint: it’s for opportunity, not welfare and terrorism), they they were good commercials. As for me, I’d hit up 84 Lumber if I had one anywhere near me base solely on the moment in the censored portion where that little girl, who’s been collecting scraps of fabric throughout the commercial, pulls out a homemade American flag. Saw it coming, still choked me up a bit. Was more patriotic than the usual pregame America/Military self-spank that occurs around the singing of the national anthem.

Disclaimer: that last sentence is not meant to disparage the men and women serving overseas in the armed forces, or the idea pof patriotism, but the ritualistic, almost religious ceremony we go through to prove we’re from ‘Murica, which is about as genuine as trumps Christianity.

Also, anyone who says trump is a good Christian president, Jesus says fuck you.

So this post is a little meandering. Well, that’s bound to happen when I’m still bloated with wings and poutine from last night’s game. Also, when every day brings somebody saying something batshit crazy, trying to address the insane with sanity just doesn’t work.

So as a final thought to this, there are some good ideas and arguments on both “sides” of the political spectrum (although most people now are not married to either of these “sides”), and most of the people who are adherents to Team Red(ish) or Team Blueare too consumed with dick measuring to look at anything with rationality.

So judge each person as they are, by objective assessments of their specific ideas,and their individual character, and every idea on its merits, and not by the retard that spat them out into the world. And maybe people in both camps will learn that when you give your party a bigger gun, the other party is going to inevitably get that gun and point it at you.

Okay, they probably won’t. I’m thinking one-way tickets to New Zealand might be in my future….

Posted in Uncategorized

Game Night – Demon Hunters

While I kind of gave up with my daily January posts, it was for a couple good reasons. First, I’m a lazy fuck. Second, I got playing Red Dead Redemption again on the PS3. If you like an open world western, it’s well worth checking out.

The third reason was I was beginning to write a scenario for the Demon Hunters RPG, which I am now (more or less) ready to run. Tonight.

And thought I really only started the document a couple days ago, I’ve been reacquainting myself with the world of Demon Hunters, which is set in the modern day, with all the reality I’m willing to insert.

For example, the team is based out of Sidney, Ohio (which is where game night usually is in the real world), in a base hidden under the Waffle House. And since this shithole of a restaurant is being remodeled, the lack of grease and waffles will affect the team at the start of tonight’s scenario.

And while tonight’s scenario will be taking place in a fictional location on the south side of Lansing, Michigan, there are lots of cool real-world elements. Like the fact that the Ghostbusters movies (including the reboot) exist, as well as all the equipment. Fallout Boy still sucks ass though, and their mutilation of the Ghostbusters theme will not be played. EVAR!

So yeah, tonight is a scenario where the team must take down a ghost or two. And player knowledge of all the movies is a good idea. Because as maligned as the reboot was, they have the cooler toys and better ghost action sequences.

A little more on the game. The Demon Hunters RPG comes from the bunch at Dead Gentlemen, the creators of The Gamers movies. I first played it at Gen Con last year, right after getting a signed book from the creators themselves (RSG has helped out with a few of their things, with at least one promo that Lars and I (mainly Lars) worked on resting on their blu-ray release of their best movie, Gamers: Dorkness Rising), and have run the game myself twice.

***pause, because I forgot to finish, and the post sat all night unfinished***

So I forgot to finish and post this yesterday. This was not intentional, but due to the need for prepwork, a headache, and Lars showing up for a visit, which meant the clock finally ran out.

But game night was a success. The team blasted all the ghosts into oblivion, doing fairly minor damage, except for exploding a GIANT ROOM FULL OF MIRRORS! which sent glass flying everywhere. The name of the condition I inflicted on them was Glass-nado, which prompted discussion of the SYFY classic shit movie Sharknado.

That and there were lots of cool explosions and CGI-quality ghosts exploding. A good time was had by all, and that’s what matters.

So now I begin the process again, as I run again in 6 weeks. And the first thing to decide on is what kind of scenario next? I had an idea about an evil cable company (evilerer than Time Warner/Comcast/Spectrum/Whatever, if that’s possible) that is killing its customers for dark rituals, or something with pirates (because they were playing Pirate Fluxx last night while I was getting ready). And because the first time I played Demon hunters, there were pirates. and as we all know…

Everything’s Better with Pirates.

 

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Game Night – Magic: the Gathering

I just remembered, as I started writing this, that it’s been November since we last played Magic, since we lost one game night to Christmas, which was designated Magic night as it was to be the least active night. I didn’t go, of course, because it was Christmas Eve, and I had the plan of relaxing after work, eating excellent food we don’t usually eat (this year, it was lamb. Awesome, awesome lamb.), and reveling in the pile of goodies waiting under the tree for the kids.

So I’ve had lots of time to put together and build decks, with my supply of cards continuing to expand, and have taken to rebuilding most of my earlier decks. But firs, some explanations. If you’re familiar with Magic, you can skip this. Or if you want more info, there’s always Wikipedia.


To explain to non-magic players, the game is played by playing cards from a deck. You use resources to cast spells, build up forces, and ultimately try to kill the other player(s).

Lands are basically resources you use to power spells. They come in 5 colors (white, blue, black, red, green), plus colorless. Each color has its particular strength (ex, red is good at direct damage dealing, blue tends to manipulate the other players’ cards), and usually over a third of the deck is made up of these cards.

The rest are spells. They come in for general types. Creatures are permanents that are played to the table, and used to attack or defend. Most have additional things they can do, based on the text on the card. Enchantments are also permanents. They stay on the table and modify battlefield conditions, like strength or special abilities (ex. a card that decreases the attack power of all opponents’ creatures by 1), or individual creatures (my white decks have cards that take creatures off the battlefield (exile them) as long as the card is on the table. Then you have sorceries (which have specific effects, but can only be played at certain times, or instants, which are similar but can be played anytime (usually in a battle to kill opponents’ creatures and save your own).

I can’t explain much more without getting into specific mechanics and relying on the unofficial motto of Magic (and any deck building-style game: Read the Fucking Card!


As I mentioned above, I’ve been building decks. You can technically just buy decks, but these are put together to be of a certain quality. People addicted to card crack most Magic players will inevitably start building their own particular decks, or modifying existing ones to make them more powerful.

Right now I have 2 commander decks I’ve built for play tonight. T0 explain this, a normal deck has 60 cards, and no more than 4 of any card except basic lands. A commander deck has 100 cards, all cards except basic lands are unique, and one card is designated as the commander. This card has a special spot (commander zone), is played at any time the player has the land to do so, and returns there rather than being discarded, etc. I have an all white deck of angels and men with Odric, Lunarch Marshal as my commander. His abilities let special abilities one of my creatures have extend to all my creatures. For example, if I get one creature with indestructible (can’t be killed by causing it damage), then in combat, ALL my creatures have it. And yes, I have creatures that can do that. My other commander deck is is a red, white, and black monster deck led by Zurgo Helmsmasher. He doesn’t boost anyone else. He just attacks every turn. 7 damage every turn (and when most creatures die when you have 7 damage, and players only have 40 life, 7 damage means something), and he’s indestructible when he attacks. And he’s not the biggest monster in the deck. For example, there’s Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger. he throws out 10 damage AND eliminates the top 20 (out of a starting 100) cards off an opponent’s deck (and if you run out of cards, you lose). And he’s also indestructible.

That’s why there are cards that destroy every creature (or everything) on the table instantly. Here’s mine.

So between those beastly decks, and several standard 60-card decks, including my goblin deck, which is all about spawning goblins on goblins on goblins, built around Krenko, Mob Boss, who can double the number of goblins I have on the table every time I take a turn. And since creatures can usually only block one creature, and I can sent 100+ easily, or kill them to just cause damage to the other player, and the player only has 20 life, it makes for a short game (unless I don’t get any fucking land (it happened the last 2 times I played the deck, although I still won once by attacking with 5 creatures, getting my opponent to 5, then sacrificing all those creatures to do 5 more points and win)

Yeah, it’s fucking card crack. At least I organize, build decks, and play them rather than grinding them up and snorting or smoking them.

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Character Creation

One of the things I excel in when playing role-playing games is the process of character creation. In fact, I was going to start working on a character for D&D should my sorceress snuff it, which she almost did during a random encounter with a dragon. Specifically, after taking a full blast of electricity, the dragong went for the claw-claw-bite. The claws knocked me to 1hp, and that was before the bite. The GM rolled a 20 (which is REALLY BAD, as it’s a critical hit in game terms). The bite is the strongest attack and probably, with the minimum double damage, would have killed the shit out of me until I was dead as the dragon bit me in two and sprayed my entrails on my companions. The GM had mercy though ,as I was knocked down by the claws and the bite miraculously missed me (because dying in a random encounter is bullshit). Had I died though, it would have been awesome to create  new character, but would have made the night real short, and led to me missing most of the action, including scoring some weed and sex with another party member, which led to pregnancy until I broke out rules and successfully argued my way out of a pregnant character (which would have also led to a character change).

Luckily, I  remembered I needed to write a post, so here I am. My potential warlock can wait.

The simplest character creation is filling out the character sheet and running with it. Not that I take the easy route. But I’ll get to that.

Most systems use die rolls to generate your basic stats, then you fill in your general characteristics with templates. For example, in D&D, you roll for 6 basic stats and your hit points, pick a race (human, elf, dwarf, etc) and class (fighter, wizard, rogue, cleric, and many, many, many more), then plug in weapons, armor, equipment, skills, feats, and anything else that is race and class-specific (like spells for wizards, sneak attacks for rogues, weapon feats for fighters, etc.). Slap a name, and some technically unimportant descriptive statistics and you have a character.

In other game, like the Demon Hunters RPG I’ll be running in under two weeks (fuck, I’d better get to work on hammering out a scenario one of these years), the character process is more organic, as there are no dice rolls. There are dice assigned based on the strength of the skills and the approach to the skills, and almost everything is made up to create a pulp-style character with odd traits. It’s a little harder to explain how the creation process works if you haven’t gone through it, but you don’t have to have a complete character to play, so yay. I’m thinking the adventure will require at least a little knowledge of the reboot version of Ghostbusters, which despite all the lackluster things in the movie does have the better ghost fights. As in it’s not four guys pointing sticks as shit, and that’s it.

For me, the real fun in character creation (as I may have mentioned in a few posts) is creating the story. In the case of this warlock I’m looking to build, I know he’ll be a human male. The Warlock backstory is that some kind of dark influence in the past (or past generation) infuses the character with wild magical talent that is channeled as energy (called eldritch blast) or a spell-like ability (rather than traditional wizard-style spells like fireball or magic missile (pew pew)). Alignment (which determines how the character interacts with the world is either chaotic or evil (or maybe both). I’m thinking chaotic neutral/borderline evil, although not evil because we have a paladin in the group (unless she dies AGAIN!), and they really don’t like evil. I mean REALLY. DON’T. LIKE. EVIL. because they’re lawful stupid good.

So with this, I’m suspecting he has a dark past he’s trying to run away from. As in he killed a few (hundred) people in a spectacular way. And while he will never be a good person, he’s definitely feeling a little guilt over such an act (which fueled his power in the beginning). I can hear him speaking in a dark, threatening voice on a good day. And maybe going throat cancer Batman when he’s pissed off.

That probably means I’ll write in someone who may come one day hunting him, and let the GM tuck that away to surprise the party with later when they get to trust this shadowy and dark leather-clad bastard who shoots raw energy at shit, or even shoots that energy through weapons he stabs things with (one of the cool things the character can do).

Now I won’t be able to finish the character, as I have to get approval for the class (our original character creation only allowed for use of the basic character classes, and Warlock is not a basic class), roll my starting stats and HP, determine what level the character will start (as the average party level is between 4 and 5 currently, which makes a level 1 character an easy target), and find a way to introduce the character to the party that is appropriate for his backstory and the story the party is involved in.

It’s still better than the alternate characters I have in mind for Castles & Crusades. I have a horny bard (just to annoy the GM) and a monk who may be part of an order that is likely to stab a paladin to death if given the opportunity (and we have one of those in the party), with the specific goal of trying to break the story narrative. I don’t want to give too much away as I already have the order’s backstory and vows created. The world we inhabit is very much a hardcore good vs evil world, and this character breaks that mold with a vengeance.

Either way, a character, once created does evolve, and that’s one of the reason it’s fun to create them.

In other news, while gaming, sometimes you just gotta punch a whore.

(Yes, this was uttered in game after the character/player that uttered it did indeed punch out a whore. It was awesome.)

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